For those of you who speak as little español as I do, that simply means that “it’s official, surfing is not for me.”

My program starts in Moñtanita, a hippie beach town known for it’s amazing surfing. For $75, you can sign up for 5 days of 2-hour surf lessons. Since I signed up for a package traveling classroom deal, I was automatically signed up for a weeks worth of surfing during my week in Moñtanita.

So yesterday, I gave it my best shot. Anyone who knows me (or lets be honest, looks at me for more than 5 seconds) can clearly tell — I am far from athletic. Sure, I hop on the elliptical or treadmill when I drag myself to the gym on rare occasion, and I love my hikes in Runyon Canyon with Amber and Mom, but my upper body strength is very clearly lacking.

Surfing is damn hard work. Those professionals make it look easy as pie — hopping up on their surf board effortlessly, riding the waves like they’re floating on clouds. Well, maybe it doesn’t look that easy, but I never thought about how dang tough it is until I was on the surfboard amidst the waves, barely able to lift my body off the board.

My teacher just laughed when I asked him if I was his worst student, which leads me to believe my joking question wasn’t too far off. I did manage to surf a wave standing on a leg and a knee, after two dozen tries and many, many wipe outs. I hit my tuchas smack on the bottom of the ocean, which – for the record – is not soft despite being made of sand, and I’m convinced I bruised my tailbone. After an hour of digesting too much salt water and too many failed, very pathetic attempts to stand on my board, I lugged the thing to shore and plopped down on the edge of the waves. My teacher dragged me in for another 15 minutes, determined to make me gain concentration. He even made me practice on land with my eyes closed. Despite his noble attempts, I decided I’d given it my all and had had enough.

Lets face it, not everything is for everybody, right? I wish I had video of my sad attempts, I’m sure it would be much better entertainment for all of you, but alas we were all in wetsuits in the ocean, not filming on the beach. Instead, I’m taking my $60 refund and applying it to a refresher scuba diving course. It’s only $85 for 3 dives, including one in the pool to reteach you, so I’m incredibly excited for that.

Spanish classes are long (two hours each, una en la mañana, una en la tarde) but I already feel like my Spanish is improving, and our teachers are really sweet and incredibly helpful. I wish I had vocabulary flashcards (my weakness) but learning some verbs and basic transition words is great for actually forming sentences and questions instead of just two or three words pathetically strung together so a shop owner or waiter can understand me. It’s great taking a language where you can walk out of your classroom and apply it in the outside world, especially since my roommates and housemates are in the same classes.

Off to buy some huevos y vegetales for dinner!